


Yesterday's Monsters

by Thesis



Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Canon, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Pacific Rim Fusion, Gratuitous Smut, Kink Meme, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-02
Updated: 2013-10-02
Packaged: 2017-12-28 05:05:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/988022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thesis/pseuds/Thesis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For the Free! Kink Meme. The prompt: Makoto and Haru are highly compatible drift partners in a Pacific Rim AU. Makoto dies, Haruka sucks at coping, and Rin is a tantrum-throwing baby, like always. Unnecessary porn included because it's a kink meme.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Yesterday's Monsters

**Trespasser**  
  
The first kaiju strikes when they are thirteen years old.   
  
It is far away, but the waves still hit them. The tsunami gains strength as it comes to Iwatobi.   
  
Haruka remembers finally being allowed back into the city, weeks after the evacuation. Standing in the wreckage, surrounded by countless adults rushing by, he remembers feeling very acutely alone - save for Makoto, who clung to the back of his shirt and hunched his arms inward as if he could shrink himself away.  
  
"It's okay," Haruka had told him. Makoto, for once, didn't seem comforted.  
  
These waves were made by monsters, and these monsters were so, so far away.   
  
They found Rin by the beach, head down, hand in hand with his sister, and being spoken to gently by the remaining sailors. There weren't many remaining sailors. Rin didn't catch sight of them, eyes on the ground. His sister was crying.  
  
At first the children of Iwatobi do not understand that the destruction wasn't so bad. That they have suffered the least.   
  
As children, it is hard to imagine anything worse than losing your home, your school, your friends. Your father.  

 **Hundun**  
  
The second kaiju is hardly half a year later, and Rin is already gone. Australia, for some reason. Haruka doesn't understand. The worst is over, he thinks. Lightning doesn't strike the same place twice. A monster, like something out of a movie, would not reappear in this lifetime.  
  
School has only just reopened, and Nagisa says they might even start repairs on the public pool soon.  
  
But Rin is gone.   
  
Makoto offers, watching tv in Haruka's living room, "Maybe he was already planning on leaving...?"  
  
Haruka shrugs. The room still doesn't feel like home, and it's only across town from where he used to live. He can't imagine going so far away.  
  
He hears a gasp, and Makoto's hand is suddenly on his sleeve, grip tight. His face is pale, eyes still glued to the tv.   
  
Haruka forces a facade of indifference. He holds Makoto's hand and waits for the evacuation sirens. 

 **Kaiceph**  
  
Makoto is hiding behind Haruka again. As if it would fool anyone. Makoto is practically twice his height and thicker bodied. His grip is painful around Haruka's shoulders, but Haruka stands firmly in place and doesn't complain once.   
  
"There must be something else to do," Nagisa says firmly, eyes trained on the news broadcast. More they can do. Something. Anything.  
  
"There will be," Haruka agrees, less because he believes it and more so Makoto will. He can feel the taller boy's body shaking.   
  
It's like another world. It's far away - so far nothing even changes for them in their daily life.  
  
They skip swim practice. A good choice, Haruka finds out later. Not a single child or adult had showed up that day.   
  
Something.  
  
Someday. 

 **Scissure**  
  
There is a school field trip to Hiroshima every couple months for the rest of their student lives. 

 **Karloff**  
  
Someday comes. The Jaegers are beastly machines. Haruka has kept up to date on all the news on them. All the deaths they've caused just to get functional. But against a threat, Haruka thinks privately, the only thing to do is keep going. Step over dead bodies if you need to.  
  
He keeps this thought to himself, not wanting to worry Makoto. He understands that something is wrong with him for thinking this way at age fourteen.   
  
It's easy to think objectively when you aren't as involved.  
  
But Makoto still cries for strangers, and Haruka watches a a live-feed on television of missiles that swim through the air and kill the giant, and thinks he  _wants to be_  involved.  
  
Between his sobs, shoulders shaking, Makoto rubs at his eyes with his fists. "I'm so glad," he murmurs, over and over. Nagisa rubs the brunet's back comfortingly.  
  
Haruka's hand twitches at his side as he watches. He wonders why. 

 **Onibaba**    
  
They are sixteen when a kaiju finally strikes Japan. Tokyo isn't far from Iwatobi. It is exactly far enough that they hear the evacuation sirens, and moments later, the shattering sound of nearby buildings.   
  
Makoto had been at his house for the night. As they run, they pass the street to his house because they are far,  _far_  too close to the kaiju to go checking on anyone. Makoto forces family from his mind, and Haruka doesn't call him out on it.  
  
Instead, Makoto says, "Nagisa," tugging Haruka through too-familiar wreckage with a grip on his wrist so strong that it hurts.   
  
"I don't know," Haruka bites out, feeling short of breath and exhausted and scared. He isn't used to feeling scared.   
  
Makoto is stupid, Haruka thinks. Makoto is going to keep looking for Nagisa to avoid thinking about his family. But he could be anywhere. It feels surreal that their last contact with him was text messages about stupid video games of all things.  
  
But Makoto says, "I hope he's okay," and doesn't turn. Not towards the street that leads to their pool, their school, or Nagisa's house.   
  
Makoto just runs. Haruka doesn't ask where they're going. It doesn't matter, there's nowhere to go. They just need to run as far as they can.   
  
His cheek is starting to sting from the cut he got earlier. A shattered window. Far, far too close. His calves ache and his lungs burn up like they're full of water. They've gained distance on it now, but only because it isn't chasing them specifically. Haruka wonders who has died while the two of them ran, but knows better than to think they could have done anything else.  
  
He hears the sounds of a Jaeger. Over the whipping wind of the helicopters, the falling buildings and collapsing homes and mayhem all around them, he barely makes out Makoto crying out, "Look!" But the brunet points to the armored giants excitedly.   
  
And Haruka smiles. Not for Iwatobi, looking desolate and abandoned and near- _flattened._  But for Makoto, who can't contain his wide smile, because this world has heroes. Someday came, and so will tomorrow.   
  
Makoto whirls on Haruka and ecstatically kisses him.  
  
"Uh," Haruka manages when Makoto pulls away.  
  
Makoto looks horrified and amused all at once. "Sorry! Got excited!" He says, then, enthusiastically, "Look, Jaegers! Which ones are they?"  
  
They hold hands in a shattered city. Haruka's wrist is bruised, but he recites all the Jaeger names for Makoto, who beams at him as if they haven't lost their homes again. 

 **Reckoner**    
  
They watch the attack from within the Jaeger Academy. Their first instructor tells them how lucky they are to witness a fight in real-time. His voice is harsh and strict, and no one feels very lucky at all. Makoto watches carefully, analytically. He takes  _notes_.   
  
"Not everyone," he tells Haruka, as they're getting changed into their suits, "Is a natural like you."  
  
"Our simulation scores are the same," Haruka tells him.  
  
Makoto just smiles at him, in that particularly way that means he is frustrated. He wants to say  _but it's easier for you_ , and Haruka knows he thinks it. But Makoto swallows the words to avoid hurting anyone and lets the irritation boil in his stomach. Haruka knocks him in the shoulder, tapping his knuckles against him to make him dismiss it. And he does.  
  
Their first drift is easy.   
  
Makoto warned him every day until their own trial drift, told him how everyone else's went. Haruka is more interested in the Jaegers themselves than the drift technology, so he didn't hear much. Something about rabbits. He doesn't remember, but Makoto smiles at him reassuringly before his brain goes blue.  
  
Color comes back in a series of memories. Parents leaving, aunt leaving, Rin leaving, Makoto and Nagisa and video games, wreckage, waves washing up on the shore with bodies and pieces of boats. Ren and Ran growing up, loving parents, sleepovers. A dramatic kiss, surrounded by the shattered glass of a hundred buildings while the city got shot-through with fire. A festival, old man, goldfish.  
  
Haruka watches a young Makoto bury it, and stands beside him for a moment, unsure. He knew about this, but hadn't been there for it.  
  
"Haruka," Makoto calls out to him.  
  
Haruka blinks. Shakes his head.   
  
"Yeah," he says. Makoto is still his own age, the goldfish has been dead for years. They are in their Jaeger, and everything feels...  _Easy._

 **Yamarashi**  
  
Easy. Their first fight is  _easy._  Haruka didn't expect it to be so smooth. But Makoto is in synch with him. They don't need to use words - hell, sometimes in training he wonders if they even need to use  _drift_.   
  
They move in synchronization, and each decision is unanimous and simple. Makoto prefers melee, Haruka would rather fight with range. Makoto will instinctively choose what he knows Haruka prefers, but Haruka knows when Makoto's ideas are better, are correct. Safer.  
  
They come home heroes. Makoto takes the attention like he always does: surprised, confused, flattered, and mildly uncomfortable. He gives polite thanks and makes small talk with everyone who approaches him. Haruka locks himself in his room to make everyone shut up. (He hears Makoto outside apologizing to everyone.)  
  
"Oh thank God," Makoto says with relief the second he's joined Haruka and shut the door behind himself. "Your  _rude_  escapes make it easy for me to run away politely."   
  
"Are you praising me or scolding me?" Haruka asks, voice indifferent.   
  
Makoto just laughs.  
  
There is silence as they change, both too used to each other for any shyness. It was only awkward for the first couple days of training, and even then it had been minimal compared to the other groups who had entered already knowing each other. Swimsuits haven't left much to the imagination and they've been sharing changing rooms for years.  
  
Makoto flops himself down on Haruka's bed, leaving plenty of space in case Haruka wanted it. Haruka just sits down on the edge.   
  
"So?" Makoto asks, eventually, his tone more serious now.  
  
Haruka shrugs.  
  
Makoto laughs again. He hadn't expected anything more than that, and so he admits, staring up at the ceiling instead of meeting Haruka's eyes, "It's scary."  
  
"I know," Haruka tells him.  
  
"Drift?" Makoto asks.  
  
"I just know you."  
  
A quiet chuckle. "It's worth it though. No matter how scary they are. If we can fight them and protect people..." The brunet pauses. "Do you remember the first attack? It lasted for  _days_. And now it's - what, a couple of hours?"  
  
"Much better," Haruka agrees, but he misses when Makoto could hide behind him instead of fight beside him. He wonders if Makoto knows that from drift. He wonders if Makoto knows that from knowing him.  
  
Something makes him roll his shoulders with discomfort. It isn't as if he's ever kept a secret from Makoto, but he feels like there was something he didn't want him to know yet. Something he wasn't ready for yet.  
  
Makoto's fingers slide up to hold the hem of Haruka's shirt, as if reaching for a child's comfort-blanket. His grip is light, and his green eyes keep trained on the ceiling impassively.  
  
Haruka leans down and kisses him. He feels Makoto's eyelashes flutter on his skin as the larger boy blinks rapidly. "Um?" Makoto asks, lips moving against Haruka's in what is a decidedly unsexy kiss.  
  
"Overwhelmed with emotions," Haruka says dryly.   
  
Makoto rolls his eyes at the joke, and his hand on Haruka's shirt forms a fist to lightly bump the other boy in the side, still not letting go of the material.  
  
"It's scary," Makoto repeats, quietly. His knuckles are white. "I don't want anything to happen to you."  
  
Haruka just shakes his head. 

**Amabie**

Makoto is shaking. He plays friendly with all the praise he gets as per usual. A high ranking officer comes around a corner too fast and Makoto _shrieks_ , startling so badly that he finds himself behind Haruka. Everyone seems used to this - he's always been the one to get scared during night-shift cleaning duty. Strange noises put him on edge, shadows around corners make him nervous. They laugh, good-naturedly. Makoto joins in himself, but something about it infuriates Haruka.

Makoto is exhausted. His steps are weak and his knees are shaky as if it's a struggle to hold himself up. He should obviously get changed out of that heavy armor. Haruka doesn't understand why no one understands such a simple concept. He leaves faster than he usually does - nearly slams his door behind him.

Makoto apologizes to everyone before following. The brunet lets himself in to Haruka's room, carefully closing the door behind him, then nearly jumping out of his skin when he turns back to find Haruka standing straight ahead of him.

"It's scary," Haruka repeats to him, irritation only growing when concern spreads across Makoto's face. "For you," he clarifies. 

Makoto smiles gently, touched to be someone who is worried about. 

Haruka opens his mouth, then huffs and closes it. He can't find the right words and instead goes about helping Makoto out of his suit. 

The taller boy snickers to himself, but accepts the help. "You've only kissed me twice, and you're already undressing me. You owe me dinner. And no-"

"Mackerel."

"... No mackerel."

Haruka keeps his eyes on his hands, undoing each of the straps with all his attention. After a moment, "The first kiss was you."

Suddenly, Makoto's hands are on his. They are bigger, stronger, but gentle over Haruka's fingers. "And the last kiss was you," He says, a joking retort. But his voice quiets, and he murmurs, "What are we?"

"Stupid question," Haruka tells him, feeling uncomfortable again. 

Makoto just stares at him evenly, as if patiently awaiting an answer. 

"Heroes," Haruka offers. He tries to return to helping Makoto out of the armor. His own is far too heavy and stuffy, too constricting, so he's sure Makoto must want to finish changing. Makoto's hands stay over his, stopping him from doing anymore than un-hook the shoulders of the vest. 

He's met with silence.

Haruka shifts his weight. Makoto's hands are warm. His own ears feel warm, too, and he isn't sure why. "Partners," he tries again.

"What  _kind_ , Haru?" Makoto asks, and this time sounds exhasperated. Haruka blinks, startled. He rarely hears those tones from Makoto, much less is the one they're directed at. 

His gaze finds itself on his feet. "I don't know," he admits. 

The hands over his move away respectfully, and Makoto says, understanding, "Okay."

Haruka stares at him, wondering if it really is. But he thinks about Makoto, and he thinks about being together, and something in him is  _scared_. It's different from the fear he feels when they fight and he doesn't understand.

Makoto has nightmares again that night, of the kaiju. He wakes up screaming, and Haruka doesn't hesitate for a second to climb into bed with him. Makoto clings to him with a rough grip that's almost painful. The apologies hurt worse, but Haruka accepts them all, rubs his back, and kisses him until he falls asleep again. 

They don't talk about it in the morning. They don't kiss again for months.  

**Raythe**

They get a break. This kaiju is further away, killed by another Jaeger team. The sirens go off all the same, waking them up from their sleep. Makoto flips on the small tv in their room, keeping the volume quiet as if it were a show he didn't want to bother Haruka with. Haruka could fall back asleep, but he doesn't. With bleary eyes, he watches along with Makoto.

Makoto's shoulders shake, and Haruka reaches out towards him, although they are across the room from each other. Makoto still notices and gives him a grateful smile. 

"Nagisa's first fight," Makoto tells him.

Haruka is wide awake, suddenly. "Nagisa's...?"

Nagisa's Jaeger throws punches with smooth, martial-arts movements, but the timing of them is reckless and opportune based. They win with ease, and Haruka almost smiles. He's glad - that it looked so easy. Not just for Nagisa's sake, but for Makoto, who watches with worry.

But when he looks to the brunet, his expression isn't as pleased as he had expected. "Makoto?"

Makoto startles, then quickly forces a smile. "Ah, sorry. What?"

"What's wrong?"

Makoto hesitates. Haruka rubs at his eyes, forces himself from the comfort of his bed, and sits down beside him. 

"There were just..." Makoto begins, trailing off. After a moment, he sighs, gathers himself, and begins again. "The fights are short. We've come such a long way, but... There were still homes and buildings destroyed in the background. Coverage will still praise them and - Nagisa deserves it. He did great. We all do great. But..."

Haruka nods, and leans into Makoto, shoulder-to-shoulder to comfort him.

"He's stationed so far away," Makoto murmurs. 

Haruka frowns, staring at the brunet, feeling intensly... Something. Feeling intensely something, and not understanding why.

"I'm here." He tells Makoto, as if the other boy has perhaps forgotten.

Makoto looks  _amused_ , which only furthers Haruka's irritation.

"I know, Haru."

Haruka sleeps in Makoto's bed with him, citing how far away his own bed has become now that he is tired again.

**Isonade**

Things have been calm for their division, but training is as strict as ever. Haruka likes it. It keeps him in shape, keeps him active. Makoto always smiles and laughs, but he'll turn around and complain with the others in seconds. 

Afterwards they have to drift. Haruka doesn't understand why. There's no reason they would ever be out of synch. Does drift stop working? Can it? Are the chances higher or lower in a battle? Do they change, based on how long you've been out of battle?

He has too many questions to bother asking any of them, though he's sure Makoto has the answers. 

They drift, for the first time in months. The world turns blue and back, and he lives their childhood again. Sleepovers, video games. Birthday parties, school plays, swimming meets, school projects. The city falling down around them, Makoto's smiling face with the sun in his eyes, lips against lips, Makoto in his bunk, mouth soft and warm and - stop.

When he comes back to an uncomfortable reality, Makoto gives him that same amused look again. Haruka frowns at him, and tilts his head curiously. Makoto shakes his head to write it off.

They run tests. They train with their Jaeger through simulation. As expected, everything is fine for them.

When they make it back to their room, Haruka hears himself snapping at Makoto, harsher than he had meant to, "What's that face mean?"

"Which?" Makoto asks, playing innocent when he clearly understands. Haruka knows he understands, because Makoto  _always_  understands. So Haruka doesn't dignify him with an answer, and Makoto just shakes his head. "It's nothing, Haru."

"It's not," Haruka insists, but his tone is defeated, and he starts to change into his pajamas to show he's given up on the matter. 

Makoto goes along with it, but when the lights are off and they are in the dark, Haruka hears him shift, rolling over as if he would look at him. It's too dark for it, but Haruka still rolls to look back.

"What are you scared of?" Makoto asks quietly.

Haruka blinks. He isn't sure how to answer that. A lot of things, obviously. The giant monsters that destroy cities. Fighting them. Something happening to Makoto. Something happening to himself, in that order. Not getting to kiss him again. 

"For me," Makoto continues, realizing he isn't going to get an answer, "I worry about losing you. You're good at these fights, but they're still life or death."

Almost hurriedly, Haruka blurts out, "Then I'm the same." But it's not quite right. That hasn't been what's stopping them.

They are heroes, warriors, fighters. Now is not the time for romance. Now does not feel like the  _world_  for romance to exist. A part of his mind says 'fuck it, we are probably going to die young so we should make the most of it.' But another part thinks 'Makoto is going to die for you if you let this happen.' That's already a big risk factor, even without romance brought in.

Makoto pushes himself up on his arms. "I worry I won't get to kiss you again."

Haruka begins, "I--" but is grateful to be interrupted, as he isn't entirely sure where he was going with that.

"I worry I'll pressure you into letting me kiss you again," Makoto continues, sounding painfully sincere, and lets out a quiet laugh at his own expense. As if he's admitted something embarrassing.

"I want to," Haruka says, at length.

"I know."

Haruka sighs, swings his legs over the side of the bed, and makes his way across the room in the darkness with ease. He stands beside Makoto's bed, and tells him, "We're partners."

Makoto laughs lightly. "What kind?"

Hormones win out against his worrying. 

Haruka climbs into bed, having to climb half on top of Makoto, who hadn't made room for him yet. The position is convenient enough. He kisses him heavily, leaning forward into it with enough pressure to make up for the last three years of wanting this. "Any kind," he says into Makoto's lips. "It doesn't matter."

Makoto is strong enough to stay upright, kissing back just as strongly. When they finally pull apart the room feels stuffy and hot, and Haruka's lips feel swollen. He kisses Makoto again, enjoying the wet feeling, the warmth, and the way Makoto sits up further to press their bodies together.

Makoto trails wet kisses down his jaw and to his collar bone, one hand gripping Haruka's hip tighter than he means to. Haruka doens't complain; he thinks he might like it. He must, on some level, because he's hard, straddling one of Makoto's legs. He feels Makoto's erection against his knee.

"That was fast," Haruka comments, voice flat. 

"Three years," Makoto breathes into his neck. " _If_  you start from the first kiss. I wouldn't call it fast."

Haruka manages a smile, lips curling up as they're pressed against his partner's.

It feels like a dam is broken. All Haruka can think of is water pouring out, strong and heavy, hitting hard. His mouth presses against Makoto's harshly, like a drowning man seeking air.

There's a squeeze at his hips, Makoto's hands guiding him to roll his hips. Obediently, Haruka moves his other leg over Makoto so that he's on his lap. Their cocks press against each other, seperated only by their sweatpants, and the friction makes Haruka shiver ontop of Makoto. Then again when Makoto's hand squeezes at him again, needy and commanding.

Makoto's hold is rough, and his groping guides Haruka's hips against his like silent pleas. They kiss desperately, grinding against each other, until finally Makoto's thumbs slip down Haruka's waistband. He goes no further, just tugging at it as if asking permission. Haruka pulls back from Makoto, but instead of removing his own pants, helps Makoto squirm out of his own.

He's seen Makoto's cock before, which on the up-side, eliminates any shyness. It's difficult to fit the whole width in his mouth. Like the rest of him, Makoto is thick. Haruka has to focus on just the head of his cock, running his tongue across it. Makoto's hands bury themselves in his hair and he lets out a high pitched gasp, surprised.

"H-Haru?" He questions. Haruka hums a response, sending vibrations down Makoto's cock. The brunet bites back a moan. 

It gets easier to run his tongue down the length of Makoto's cock if he keeps his mouth open, and he bobs his head slowly, sucking gentle and soft. He enjoys the sounds Makoto makes, desperate whimpering as his fingers run through Haruka's hair again and again. 

There's a sharp intake of breath from Makoto when Haruka pulls away, but he doesn't complain, just tugs Haruka back to him for more kisses. His hands make quick work of helping tug Haruka's pants off. They have to pull apart for the tank top to get tugged over his head.

"Lube?" Haruka asks, sure that Makoto must have some. Makoto is prepared for anything and everything at all times.

Makoto looks bewildered, then worried. "We don't have to - I mean if you don't want--"

Haruka interrupts him with a kiss, a sharp roll of his hips, then repeats himself. " _Lube_?"

"I'll get it," Makoto says, sounding pleased and strained at the same time. 

Haruka settles down on the bed on his back, holding his arms out for Makoto when the brunet returns. Makoto climbs over him, setting a small bottle beside the pillow for whenever Haruka wants to use it, then kisses him senseless.

Makoto is hard, rubbing on top of him, and his size makes Haruka feel like he's covered and safe. His skin is hot and slick with sweat, but they still shiver into each other. Their cocks rub together, free now, and Makoto holds them together. He makes slow, stroking motions for more friction with one hand, his other hand keeping him propped up over Haruka. 

Makoto's head hangs, eyes closed as if concentrating hard, and Haruka takes the opportunity to grab the lube, spreading it across his fingers. He reaches down to his own entrance, spreading the lubrication. Then he reaches between them, one hand palming Makoto's cock while the other hand presses against the brunet's chest, gently pushing him low enough to line him up.

Haruka guides Makoto's cock into him. He wants to go rougher, doesn't mind the pain, but Makoto resists him, treating him like he's fragile. Haruka doesn't care that it hurts; the movement feels good enough to overpower the hurt, and even the hurt is - they're alive and they're okay, and he doesn't care. Makoto is straining himself to be gentle, though. It shows on his face, and as if trying to hide his expression, he buries his face in Haruka's neck, nuzzling into it and murmuring incoherencies. 

Even Makoto's gentle nature can't stop it from hurting; Haruka has to stretch so much. Still, Makoto buries himself to the hilt, then pauses for only half a second, wanting to give Haruka time to adjust. Haruka mutters, eyes clenched shut, "No," at the slight pause, to make him keep moving. Makoto obeys, keeping up slow movements. He pulls out then thrusts back in, all with a drawn-out pace and shaky, hot breath on Haruka's neck.

Haruka feels overwhelmed - Makoto's body is heavy and big and his own body feels full and hot. With Makoto's figure over him, he wonders if he's always been this much smaller than the brunet. He pushes back up against him trying to hurry up the pace. 

"Makoto," Haruka groans, "Not - not so careful."

Makoto mumbles something into his neck and Haruka tilts his head, curiously. Makoto kisses him with the opening presented, but repeats, voice brittle and soft all at once, "I'll come."

Haruka shivers at his voice, his whole body shaking. Haruka wishes the brunet could see the exhasperated expression he makes. " _Good_ ," he tells him, and writhes up against him again just to hear the other boy exhale. When Makoto's pace quickens, he breathes it into his hair like a mantra, "Good, good... Makoto..."

The siren going off is a bit of a turn-off. 

With Makoto's cock buried deep inside him, and the older boy sweating over him, finally, finally starting  _fuck him_  - suddenly the room goes red with light. Haruka startles badly; and he tightens, apparently, because Makoto lets out a whimper and gets heavier for a split second before he catches himself.

They both freeze awkwardly in place. Haruka feels Makoto's cock twitch inside him.

The siren shuts off. 

A moment passes.

"Not us," Makoto observes. 

Haruka squirms in place, pleased at the way Makoto's whole body shudders. "Not us," he repeats. Makoto pulls back, this time thrusting in with a sharp snap of his hips. His slow pace goes out the window, and as he fucks Haruka, the bed creaks. Haruka loses himself in the sound of it, and of Makoto's labored breathing and quiet gasps. 

Haruka squirms beneath the larger boy, appreciating the way his pace is growing frantic. Even as his thrusts go uneven, Makoto's whispers into Haruka's throat are slow and gentle, low murmurs, "Haru, Haru, you feel so good, Haru-chan..."

One of Makoto's hands reaches down to stroke him off, but his pace is uneven with his thrusts and Haruka rises into it, wanting more as he gets close. He takes over, pushing Makoto's hand out of the way to jerk himself off in better timing with Makoto's thrusts. 

Makoto must like something about that, Haruka figures, because the brunet finally raises his head from the crook of his neck, and kisses him just as harsh as he pounds into him.

Haruka comes first, but hears Makoto moan - the brunet loses all gentleness at the way Haruka's whole body tenses. Makoto fucks him for a moment longer, and it's rough and it  _hurts_  and it's everything Haruka wanted, and for a second he almost thinks he'll come again. But Makoto comes with a choked sound that gets caught in his throat.

They stay that way for a moment, breathing heavily and sweating in the darkness. Makoto kisses him and pulls away gently.

"... I'm going to run a bath," Makoto tells him in a whisper. 

It takes twenty minutes before Makoto can really pull away from their kissing and get up. 

  **Clawhook**

They next kaiju is theirs. The sirens go off in the day, and the two of them suit up, load up, and drop. The fight is rougher than the other ones. Haruka chalks it up to less time spent fighting, lately. Most of the kaiju have been handled by others, and they're probably just... Out of practice.

Makoto shakes more than usual after the battle. He doesn't make small talk when they are praised. He is polite as ever when he dismisses himself, but this time Haruka is the one following  _him_  to their room. 

Makoto showers, and he lays down in his bed, hardly even speaking to Haruka.

"How long," Makoto murmurs eventually, "Do you think we can keep this up? How long will they come? Will they keep growing stronger?"

Haruka has to forcibly stop himself from shrugging. That's not the reply he wants to give Makoto. 

But he isn't sure what the answer is. 

**Unknown Category IV Kaiju**

They're definitely getting stronger. Haruka knows this much. 

He remembers being happy he could fight them. He could save the cities and the people. Save Makoto. Save Rin and Gou and their father, vicariously, by saving everyone he could. 

This fight lasted too long. Repairs take weeks. Makoto's body is bruised at the shoulders from the jerking movements against such heavy armor. 

Haruka is exhausted, and he is sick and tired of seeing Makoto look so sick and tired. 

"Nagisa," Haruka hears himself say suddenly. "And his partner are being re-stationed. They'll be here soon."

This seems to cheer up Makoto a fraction.

But that's all. The brunet is quiet the rest of the night. 

Belatedly, watching him sleep, Haruka recalls that the Makoto's birthday was almost a month ago. He hadn't said a word about it.   

**Knifehead**

There's a ship. There are sailors stuck at sea, and they're commanded to leave them be. This kaiju is stronger than the ones before. "You can barely hold your own in this battle without a secondary objective," The commander snaps at them over the intercom.

Haruka hears through the drift, Makoto's vehement, frustrated,  _I know!_

He hears a young Makoto's quiet crying. The sound of footsteps crunching over collapsed buildings, the sound of waves on the shore. All of it drowns out what the adults are telling a thirteen year old Rin on the beach. 

He shakes his attention from their drift. 

Together, wordlessly, they disobey, and reach for the ship. And for just a minute, Haruka's heart swells, or maybe it's Makoto's, he honestly can't tell, but he thinks there will be a child whose father comes home. There will be a Rin who keeps his father.

They've just moved the small sailboat to safety when the kaiju recovers from a knock-back. It doesn't go for the ship anymore, just their Jaeger, but this one - something is wrong with it. It doesn't attack like it were fighting a living creature. It targets the cockpit, like it knows, like it's smart enough to understand that they are in there, in control.

There's an awful shriek of tearing metal, and lights throughout the Jaeger flicker. The main screens stay functional, the glow around their hands stays lit. But to Makoto's right something is flickering its last electronic breaths.

The commander shouts something over the speakers - Haruka doesn't hear it over the sound of metal being peeled away. 

With terror, he feels the splash of saltwater on his face and the whipping winds of a storm. 

These are both usually things he likes, but there is supposed to be a barrier - their Jaeger's front is torn wide open. They try to grapple the kaiju, holding it at arm's length, as far as they can keep it from the gaping hole. 

It's their last resort to fire the missiles - with the cockpit torn open, it's more dangerous than it usually would be. But Makoto thinks it up, and Haruka gets stuck on the idea because nothing else comes to either of their minds.

Haruka thinks of Rin and Gou's held hands, and of Makoto clinging to the back of his shirt, and he knows this can't go on, that they  _cannot_  lose here. 

They fire just as the kaiju moves. It is shot through by a barrage of missiles that swim through the air, graceful and smooth and just like Haruka remembers watching on tv as a child. They explode on impact, the air around them going hot and heavy in an instant; Haruka feels a hundred tiny cuts across his body, hears thunder in his skull.

Simultaneously, the kaiju's claws close in on the whole cockpit.

Their whole Jaeger shakes violently, and Haruka can't concentrate or see through the flashing lights and sparks. There is blood. His? Yes, his too. A sharp intake of breath. His? 

Something goes blank. Like the white noise of a radio left on in the background, shut off suddenly by someone you didn't even know was home. Like your ears popping and all sound suddenly coming in so clear and loud that you wonder how you didn't notice how muffled everything sounded. 

Haruka hears the scratches of metal and claw and hears sparks flying all around him. There is shouting over the intercom. He feels dazed and confused, ears ringing. There is so much blood coming from his chest and arms, and from - there is still something that is silent that should not be. He hears himself murmur, "What?" 

The intercom is yelling at him again, but he hadn't been talking to the commander. He can't make out the words and commands his brain to _focus_.  

His mouth tastes like the salty ocean and his own blood. 

Haruka faints. 

**The Wall**

Haruka wakes up in the hospital wing. His whole body aches and burns and his ears are  _still_  ringing. He stays still for a moment, taking everything in. Bandaged up. Not dead. When he tries to sit up, he vomits. Luckily there was a bucket beside the bed just for it. The sound of his heaving seems to alert a doctor.

"Oh thank God," The doctor says to him, an older woman with short brown hair. He reads her nametag. Miho Amakata. For a moment she just looks overcome with happiness that he's awake, that he's alive, but it quickly fades into a look of irritation. "Lay back down."

"Makoto," He tries to say, but his voice catches in his throat, raspy and hurt. Nothing but an empty croak comes from his lips.

Taking it as an argument, the doctor pushes him down by the chest. He winces at the touch but lets her move him. He opens his mouth again to try and ask for Makoto one more time, but she interrupts. 

"If you're wondering, you killed the kaiju," She assures him softly. "And everyone on the ship made it out okay."

He lets out a sigh of relief. He wonders where Rin is, these days. More importantly; "Makoto?"

It still hurts his throat to speak. He needs water.

Miho's face pales. Her expression drops and she doesn't even need to say it for Haruka to retch again. Wordlessly, she brings him water. 

"You have visitors," She tells him when he's downed the whole glass. "Shall I bring them in?"

He nods slowly, feeling displaced from reality. He doesn't really want visitors.

He imagines Makoto. For a brief, delirious moment, his mind insists  _she didn't_ say _it, he might be okay._  He convinces himself that Makoto will come into the room and fret over him and sneak him better food than the infirmary serves. He only manages to get that far into the thought before the real visitors enter and the daydream is lost to reality.

Nagisa, and his partner. Rei? Haruka has met him once or twice. 

The blond's usual excitable demeanor is gone. He looks downcast as he approaches, and Haruka can easily see through the fake smile he gives. 

"You were unconscious for four days," Rei informs him. 

Haruka nods as a thank-you for the information. 

"So..." Nagisa's voice is careful, like he's walking on egg shells. It hurts, Haruka's chest  _hurts_ , because Nagisa is always harassing them, he is not the one who is careful. He is not the one who looks at Haruka with soft eyes and smiles gently. "The funer--"

"--Don't," Haruka interrupts him. His voice is shaking. He swallows to try to get it back to normal. Nagisa and Rei exchange a look. Haruka looks at his hands, noticing belatedly how tight his grip is on the blanket. 

Nagisa does anyway. He repeats, "The funeral is on Friday." 

"Okay," He says. His throat is tightening up.

"There'll be a package in your room," Rei says. "There have been some changes in the Jaeger program."

Haruka stares at his hands, looking indifferent. His knuckles are white. He forces himself to loosen his grip, but it's like prying rusty metal ope-- "Changes?" He asks, to distract himself.

"They're cutting our funding," Nagisa tells him, a hint of normalcy coming back to his tone. "Soon, the entire Jaeger program will be cancelled."

Haruka's eyebrows furrow. They've only struggled so much with this one fight. This is the  _first_  fight that hasn't gone so well, and his stomach is in knots at the idea. The wall idea sounds stupid to him. Makoto had read up on it and told him all about it, good and bad, but they had both agreed it didn't sound very practical.

He remembers Makoto laying on his bed, wearing his glasses for once, with the full pamphlet of information in front of him, eyes scanning over the words with interest. He had kicked his feet, knocking them against the wall in an uneven pattern that had infuriated Haruka to no end. 

His eyes sting. He swallows again. 

"The wall?" He asks. His voice cracks, and he catches Rei wincing at it, then trying to pretend he hadn't noticed. 

Rei adjusts his glasses, and nods. "A terrible idea, if you ask me. If you calculate the mass of the kaiju we've faced thus far - which only appear to be getting larger, by the way - and the speeds that they can move? There's no way a wall could be inpenetrable."

"Maybe if it's really thick?" Nagisa offers, trying to be optimistic, but clearly without any faith in the program either. 

Rei just shakes his head. "I've read all their design blueprints. It's a pipe dream."

Haruka listens to the two of them discuss it for nearly an hour before Miho comes to his rescue, shooing them out and citing visiting hours are over. Haruka glances to the left, reading the sign that informs him there are still three hours left for visitors. 

She gives him a wink, but he can't quite muster up any show of grattitude. He simply nods before she pushes him back down in bed, her touch hard against his aching chest. 

**Funeral**

The funeral is stuffy and traditional, and it is everything Makoto deserves but nothing that suits him. There are countless faceless strangers that step up to say kind words for him. Haruka is surprised that he appreciates them all.

Makoto deserves this. To be spoken highly of and cried for and remembered.

But Haruka can't cry. He wonders if something is wrong with him. 

He presents the medals to Makoto's mother and father. Ren and Ran are inconsolable. Their crying is not quiet whimpers and pretty tears; they are red-faced and snotty and wailing. Makoto's mother manages to quiet them when it matters, but not a single person seems irate over it. Not when everyone feels the same way.

They talk to him for hours, after the ceremony is over. The room is empty save for them, and their voices echo of the walls strangely. It is dim and dusty, with only the smallest of lights coming in from the windows. 

In such a huge, empty room, with Makoto's parents thanking him for everything, he feels tiny and insignificant. 

**Atticon**

Rin misses the funeral. He mutters that he's sorry, that he was assigned to this station, but they wouldn't let him come any earlier. 

Haruka just stares at him, eyes wide. "You're a pilot?"

Rin looks borderline offended that Haruka has to ask. But they haven't seen each other since they were thirteen, so how was he supposed to know? "Not yet," Rin snaps at him. "No one I'm drift compatible with."

Haruka lets out an understanding "Ah," but isn't sure where to go from there. Rin still has a bag slung over his shoulder and hasn't even gone to his room yet. He shifts his weight, feeling out of place.

"Me either," Haruka tells him. He hasn't been assigned a new partner since Makoto. It's been months. At first they let him rest. But they needed soldiers, still needed his strength. He hasn't been able to align with others. He's heard that R.A.B.I.T.s are the biggest problem, but no one ever makes it that far with him.

Rin is quiet. 

Haruka wonders if he saw the fight. He has never let the celebrity of being a Jaeger pilot affect him. Has stayed out of the public eye as much as he could by sticking to his duties and keeping to himself. Still, the news always covers a fight, and if he was in training, he probably watched them all, over and over. 

Haruka wonders if, from a third party watching, it looked like there was more he could have done. Wonders if people are passing judgment on the decisions he made. 

He wonders if it was him that got Makoto - that - if it was his fault - if he could have, or should have...

He shakes his head to clear his mind. 

"Did--" He starts to ask, but a siren goes off and Rin practically disappears from in front of him. 

He finds him again in the control room. They watch the fight together in silence, but Haruka spends most of it sneaking glances at Rin's expression. 

**Hidoi**

The next kaiju is fought by Rin's sister.

It was easy for Haruka to connect the young man Rin has become with the thirteen year old he once knew. He has changed more drastically than anyone Haruka has ever met, but even so, it was simple. He is Rin.

He is also a huge mess of nerves, and he paces nervously, snapping at anyone who tries to tell him to calm down and struggling to keep his gaze on the battle on screen. He is worried. Almost endearing, Haruka thinks, if it weren't for the murderous looks he gives everyone until the battle is over. 

It's much more jarring for him to see Gou all grown up. She's got the cherry-red hair and pretty long lashes she had as a child. But all he remembers is seeing her hold on tight to Rin's hand, tears in her eyes.

Now he sees her wink to the camera, correcting the interviewer, "That's Kou, though!" Before dismissing herself from them politely. She doesn't like the limelight, it seems. 

Seijuro boasts to the interviewer about setting a record on kaiju take-downs. (Haruka sees the retreating Gou in the background roll her eyes, but smile.)

Rin's shoulders finally relax.

**Ceramander**

Haruka wonders why they keep him around. Day to day he does what he used to between attacks. He trains. He eats. He reads, he draws. Does technical work and helps with repairs. He is hardly necessary, and feels painfully expendable. He spends time with Nagisa and Rei, sometimes Rin, though much less often. Rin trains obsessively, while Haruka only bothers with a regular regimine. 

He watches a fight and wants to be a part of it. His hands clench and unclench at his sides, feeling useless. This is war, and he isn't a soldier anymore. Not without Makoto.

Rin still hasn't been able to drift with anyone. Seijuro has been able to drift with everyone he's tried with - until Rin. Haruka wanted to watch their test-run, but doesn't hear about it until afterwards. 

"Good thing the weapons are deactivated for test runs," Gou tells him. "They  _both_  chased the R.A.B.I.T. - real strong memories. Scary ones."

Seijuro claps a hand on her shoulder, approaching from just down the hall. "It's because you're the only one for me, Gou-kun! You've ruined me for other women."

"Kou," She corrects him. "Don't let my brother hear you call him a woman."

Haruka wonders why no one has assigned him to try drifting with Seijuro. They cannot, as a military force, all be walking on eggshells for him, now. 

He doesn't bring it up. 

If he points it out, they might do it. They might make him drift with Seijuro and pilot a Jaeger and fight a kaiju, and leave Makoto behind.

Haruka's room feels far, far too quiet. 

**Spinejackal**

They are  _still_  trying to find Rin a drift partner. So far he has rejected everyone picked for him. 

"Then  _you_  pick," Seijuro finally snaps, sounding exhausted. 

Rin's "Fine," comes out as a snarl. 

Haruka watches, sitting against the wall a small distance from the crowd of trainees, to show that he isn't among them.

Rin's fights are reckless and dangerous, with no form or pattern to his movements. But no one can read him. If there is an opening, Rin takes it, however he can. There is not a single match at his skill for hours, though Haruka privately thinks that he could take him.

The first one to come close is a smaller boy with light hair and a birth mark on his cheek. Aiichiro. His bow before the spar is low, and he looks at Rin with admiration in his eyes. He calls him "Senpai," and Haruka picks up from their short banter that they were at the Jaeger training academy together.

It's still hard for Haruka to imagine Rin living in Australia. 

Aiichiro is on the defensive from the start, keeping himself from giving an opening like all the others had done, each over eager to take the first strike. They circle each other for far, far too long. Haruka even catches sight of some of the hopefuls getting bored enough to wander away.

Aiichiro's grip loosens for a second - Rin takes the chance and moves to swing, but it was a feint, and Aiichiro dodges to the other side. A bit too far, Haruka thinks, but still a good move. He lands the first point with patience.

The same trick doesn't work twice; Rin lands three hits much quicker. Even so, Aiichiro looks pleased with himself.

Rin looks confused, as if he didn't expect this outcome. But he must have - he's always boasting, he had beaten everyone else. He looks at Aiichiro as if he doesn't understand what he's seeing. 

Haruka sees Rin open his mouth, but the siren goes off before he can say anything.

Kaiju, it seems, have very bad timing. 

**Taurax**

Gou and Seijuro are called for the kaiju of the day. Rin is all nerves as they see her off, like always. Haruka sees him yelling over something petty, Aiichiro flinching defensively at it. Haruka decides to keep his distance until the fight is won.

That's the problem. 

It isn't won as easily as before.

Only Seijuro comes back. 

Seijuro is a shaking mess. Miho drapes a comfort blanket over his shoulders, guiding him along beside her with a gentle hold while her voice comes out harsh, "Give us space! Out of the way, he's probably in shock and I  _need_  to get him to the clinic."

Haruka has to physically restrain a screaming Rin. Aiichiro is beside him, trying to talk him down, but Rin doesn't hear a word of it. In his struggle to escape he manages to punch Haruka in the cheek, but he still doesn't loosen his hold. Part of him wonders why he bothers. 

Seijuro won't meet their eyes; his shoulders droop as he is led away from them. Rin's shouting echoes down the halls after him, and the crowd disperses awkwardly, leaving only the three of them.

Haruka feels his cheek bruising, and Aiichiro looks at him worriedly for a split second. But then Rin finally stops struggling, sliding down to the floor in silent tears. Aiichiro drops to the ground to be at his level, and Haruka stands behind them both, unsure. 

**Tentalus**

Rin doesn't show up for Gou's funeral. It makes Haruka wonder if he had really even tried to be there for Makoto's.

He doesn't blame him. He hadn't wanted to go to Makoto's funeral.

But he did, and so he goes to Gou's, too. It's a quiet affair - very similar to Makoto's. Traditions, rituals, all of them are the same. There are many kind words said; she was well liked and sociable. 

Everyone calls her "Kou," and with only an occasional stutter or stumble. When they say Gou, they quickly correct themselves.

Seijuro cries when he reads the eulogy he wrote. He can't finish the words and ends up walking away mid-sentence. But Haruka sees him, at her casket, looking determined as he makes private promises for her.

He pilots again that very day, tough it's only a test run. Their Jaeger is repaired, and they find him a suitable partner, one of the hopefuls that Haruka remembers sparred against Rin. 

Haruka tries to visit Rin, but he doesn't reply to knocks on the door. Haruka tries every couple of hours, but the most response he gets is a loud thud of something being thrown his way.

Aiichiro, who has been sitting outside the room the entire time, just smiles at him softly. "He wants to be alone," he says, as if it weren't obvious. 

Haruka sits down beside him. They spend hours in silence before eventually making small talk for ten minutes and heading to their rooms.  

**Unknown Kaiju** **Unknown Kaiju** **Unknown Kaiju**

Seijuro continues. He fights, he wins, his partners cycle. He is compatible with everyone and anyone.

There's a commotion in the halls. This time Haruka isn't there in time. When Seijuro returns from the latest fight, Rin is at him with fists before anyone can get between them. 

Seijuro takes a good beating, and from what Haruka hears when he gets there for the aftermath, he didn't fight back at all.

Seijuro could probably win a fight against Rin, Haruka thinks. If he fought.

Haruka jogs up to the crowd that's formed in a circle around them. Aiichiro is at Rin's side, touching his arm gently, whispering words to calm him down. Rin is crying again, glaring, but Seijuro, with a black eye and swelling bruises all over, still just looks determined. 

"I'm not wasting her life," Seijuro says firmly. "I refuse to stop fighting."

Haruka wonders if he is wasting Makoto's. 

**Insurrector**

Rin tries to drift with Aiichiro. Not by his own suggestion, of course. Aiichiro is ecstatic, Rin less so. But the captain insists. They need more strength. Rin's scores in the simulations are too good to waste. 

Haruka watches. 

Rin complains, "We  _aren't_  going to be drift compatible." Haruka isn't sure if he means because it's Aiichiro, or because he hasn't been compatible with anyone, yet.

The two of them suit up and step into the Jaeger. He listens to the technician read off numbers, and it seems like things are going well. They drift - which in itself is a miracle among Rin's tries.

But they quickly fall out of synch. Haruka doesn't know if it's from R.A.B.I.T.s or not, but Rin looks at Aiichiro with wide, startled eyes when he tears off his helmet. Aiichiro, surprisingly, does not look particularly downcast or put out. He just seems lost in thought, even after the systems are shut off. 

Rin asks, voice quiet, "Nitori?"

He doesn't get a response.

Later, amidst Rin's bitching and complaining about being forced into it (which never delves once into Aiichiro's memories and what he saw, Haruka notices,) Haruka points out: "Still progress."

Rin just scoffs at him. 

When they pass Seijuro in the hall, Rin pats him on the shoulder in what Haruka suspects is a good natured way.

Progress. 

**Bonesquid**

Nagisa and Rei take down the next kaiju, but barely. Their movements are a strange match up of Nagisa's wild flailing and Rei's calculations. It works for them, but Haruka will never understand how they combine the two so seamlessly.

With himself and Makoto it was always about adapting to the other's style, switching between the two like a switch. 

Sometimes Haruka can't understand how it has been over a year since... Since Makoto...

Sometimes he hears him. In the moments before he falls asleep, or when he first wakes up in the morning. He hears Makoto's breathing and there is a heat in the bed beside him to curl up with, only disappearing when he makes a move for it. 

Sometimes he dreams that Makoto walks in the door. That's it. Nothing incredible happens, nothing magic or unreal. Just that Makoto enters the room, and Haruka looks up at him, then returns to whatever he had been doing as if his presence were nothing special. Something reliable and constant. Those hurt the most to wake up from.

Rei is hurt in the battle. Minor scratches, and the Jaeger needs a lot of repairs, but Nagisa is only concerned for Rei. Miho assures him he's fine, but Nagisa insists on staying by his side as he sleeps in the infirmary.

"Haru-chan," Nagisa asks him, his gaze unwavering from Rei. "What was it like?"

Haruka is pretty sure he knows what he's asking, but waits for him to continue anyway in hopes that he's wrong.

"When Mako-chan d--"

"--Don't," Haruka hears himself interrupt, startling himself.

Nagisa finally looks up at him with an unreadable expression. He says, as if testing waters, "Haru-chan...?"

Haruka shakes his head to get his hair out of his eyes. He needs to cut it. Makoto used to be the one to remind him when it needed doing. He runs his fingers through his hair, suddenly feeling very tired.

"Well, it was..." Nagisa says, but trails off. He avoids the words, and Haruka has to pretend not to notice. "When it... Happened. You were drifting. What was it like?"

Haruka opens his mouth to answer, but realizes all he has is a jumble of words that make no sense. They're same words he'd thought at the time. Something got shut off. The white noise and static was suddenly gone and there was silence where there shouldn't be - Makoto always talked in an endless stream, even when he knew Haruka was spacing out and not listening. And it was like - he just suddenly stopped talking. And Haruka hadn't been listening, but it was still jarring.

It was like walking to school together, listening to Makoto hold up a onesided conversation. Then getting to the gates and realizing he'd been walking alone the whole way.

He leaves the room without a word, feeling Nagisa's worried gaze on his back. 

**Hound**

"Why?" Rin asks the captain gruffly. "I can almost drift with Ai."

Haruka blinks. He tilts his head, looking at Rin curiously and wondering when  _that_  name switch happened. And when Rin stopped being annoyed at the idea.

He knows the captain's reasoning before being told; "We want Nanase to pilot again. We need Nanase's skill on the field."

It was only a matter of time. Honestly, Haruka is tired of the guilt he's felt for the past year, freeloading in the program without piloting. He's been given other duties to tend to, and always kept up his training, but that isn't what he's supposed to be here for.

But he's supposed to be here to protect Makoto.

He thinks of the way they saved the sailors. In their minds, saving Rin's father. 

Maybe he can save others - people who could be Makoto.

No. That thought doesn't sit right with him. Other people  _aren't_  Makoto. Those words cross his mind when he's already strapped into the Jaeger, Rin beside him, and for a second his brain goes into a panic. His whole body goes rigid and his mind screams that this isn't okay, that he can't do this, but they begin the countdown and all he can do is breathe in deep before the world goes blue.

He sees Rin's memories. They swam together, when they were young. He remembers the scenes that play out before him vividly. He sees Rin alone, in Australia. Watching the news of the attacks, calling Gou to make sure she was okay. Going to school, alone. In class, alone. Jogging home, alone. 

Returning home. 

Back to Iwatobi? 

He follows a fourteen year old Rin coming back to a wasteland of a town. All his landmarks destroyed. Friends missing. And Gou - where is  _Gou_ , running through the streets and searching for her until - there. Relief at the farthest end of the beach.

"Haru," Rin's voice calls out to him, and suddenly it's not the younger Rin anymore. 

"I know," Haruka assures him. He steps away from the memory. Rin leads him from the shore, back to the city. "I didn't know you came back."

Rin doesn't meet his eyes.

Glass crunches under foot. There is blood on the ground. This wreckage isn't from after one of the floods. This isn't the Iwatobi Rin returned to anymore, this is - "Rin," Haruka tries to warn him.

It's too late. He hears footsteps and shouting. Rin whirls around, and Haruka's whole body goes brittle.

Makoto sounds  _ecstatic_. "Look!"

Haruka's shoulders shake. He wants to see him. He could  _see_  him alive and breathing in his memory. 

Distantly, he hears Rin say, "Oh, fuck." 

On shaking legs, Haruka walks to turn the corner. He remembers this. He remembers where they kissed. He rounds the corner, and he wants to see Makoto, just - just for a minute. He want sto see his face and his eyes and his smile, wants to kiss him to make the world right.

Rin's hand catches his wrist. Haruka  jerks free with ease, wrenching his arm away with more strength than he needed. He turns.

He only catches the briefest sight of them, a young Makoto swooping down to kiss a younger him; he doesn't get to take in the sight. From behind him, Rin reaches around and covers his eyes.

Haruka feels his shoulders quivering. His legs feel weak and his throat is closing up. His chest feels hollow and bottomless and  _empty_. 

He does not cry. He stands as rigidly still as he can with a body that desperately wants to sob, and with Rin's hand, shielding his eyes. Rin does not say a word. Haruka isn't sure if he's grateful for the fingers that cut off his sight, or if he hates him. 

In the distance he hears himself listing the different Jaegers to Makoto.

The drift is shut down slowly, but without warning. Like rising to the surface from underwater, Haruka opens his eyes to the training facility's lights and screens. 

Rin does not look at him, nor speak to him. The redhead is waved over the by the commander, and obediently comes to listen to him. In technical, matter of fact terms, the commander explains the drift was a failure. Both of them chased R.A.B.I.T.s. He does not sound disappointed or angry, just tired. Rin seems oddly compliant.

Haruka slips away and leaves for his own room without stopping to speak to anyone.  

**Taranais**

It only occurs to Haruka that he hasn't left his room for three days when Rei and Nagisa come knocking. He doesn't want to deal with anyone today, but he lets them in anyway. They bring him food and keep up small talk between themselves enough to make up for Haruka's silence.

A siren goes off, as do both of their phones. "That's us, then," Nagisa says. They leave the door open when they exit.

Haruka sighs, and gets up to close it. Rin is already stepping up to it by the time he gets there.

"What the hell?" Rin snaps, by way of greeting.

Haruka raises an eyebrow and considers shutting the door in his face.

"You're just going to - lock yourself in your room? For fucking what? You need to get better."

"Better," Haruka repeats, dubiously. 

Rin shuffles about for a moment, looking more and more frustrated at his own vocabulary by the second. "You - you can drift. You're better than me. You've seen how strong they're getting. Haru." Almost pleading, "Let's try again."

Haruka furrows his brow. "No."

Rin frowns back at him. "Why not?! There's a whole world in danger because of these monsters, and you're not gonna do anything about it because - what, you lost your boyfriend?"

Haruka slams the door shut.

He immediately hears Rin blurt out "Wait, fuck, that's not what I--Ugh." There's a pause. "Haru."

Indifferently: "What?"

"Sorry."

Haruka's body feels heavy. He leans forward, his forehead pressing against the cool metal of the door. There is silence for so long that Haruka thinks Rin has left. For so long that he wonders why he, himself, hasn't moved.

Then, Rin's voice again: "I miss Makoto, too. But Mikoshiba is right. We can't stop here." 

**Rachnid**

Haruka still hardly leaves his room for months. He eats. He does most of his training in his own room, unsure of exactly why. It isn't very social anyway. No one would bother him. He doesn't even think he wants to avoid people. 

Rin visits him sometimes. Aiichiro is often with him when he arrives, but will dismiss himself instead of spending time with them. 

"We  _need_  more pilots battle-ready," Haruka overhears the commander saying, one day, passing through the hall by his room. He peeks out his door in time to see Rin and Aiichiro following the commander, suited up. 

They're going to try drifting again.

Haruka slides into the testing room quietly and stays to the back. 

The drift is open. There is a moment where the two of them look ready to pass out, then suddenly they are lucid again. Rin flexes his hands, and in synchronization with him, Aiichiro does too. 

The younger boy whirls to look at Rin excitedly. "Senpai! We did it!"

Rin doesn't reply, but shows a toothy grin.

And apparently Haruka wasn't as sneaky as he thought, because Rin points to him and calls out, "Moving on without you, Haru!"

Haruka feels his fists clench at his sides. 

**Fiend**

Rin and Aiichiro fight their first kaiju together. The battle is difficult; half the city is destroyed. That has become the norm for the last fights. This is a losing battle. Their base is the only one left, and Haruka hears whispered rumors of the resistance they've become - at first. Then the commander confirms it.

The loyalty is unanimous. 

Haruka stopped watching each kaiju attack on live-feed, but this one he watches. 

Rin and Aiichiro are a perfect match. Aiichiro is obedient, following Rin's aggressive commands without hesitation. He has full faith, and so he can throw everything he has into Rin's strategies. If Rin were with a partner who questioned him, seconds of hesitation could throw off his whole style.

When they return, they are the talk of the base. Rin has always had such good results in the simulations that everyone has been waiting on a real fight from him. He gets clapped on the back so many times that Haruka almost worries he will get pushed to the ground. Aiichiro fades himself to the background so easily that Haruka almost doesn't notice him sliding up beside him on the outskirts of the crowd. An alarming skill for a fighter.

"There's a plan, now." Aiichiro tells him quietly. Haruka glances down to the shorter boy, who looks up to meet his gaze and smiles. "To close the rift. It needed to happen someday." A pause. "We need you, Haruka-senpai."

"Yo, Ai," Rin calls out to him, the crowd finally dispersing. "Dinner?"

Aiichiro gives Haruka a polite nod, then jogs up to Rin. Looking at the two of them, Haruka notices how exhausted Rin looks. Aiichiro, on the other hand, seems just fine. When Rin throws an arm over his shoulder, Haruka suspects it is more for support than comradier. 

**Tailspitter**

"With me?" Seijuro asks dubiously. 

Haruka nods. "I want to be helpful," he says, voice firm. 

Seijuro  _beams_  at him. "Get changed, then," he says, "I'll meet you in the drift training room. In twenty."

Fifteen minutes later he's suited up and strapped in. This time, he thinks. This time.

"Are you ready?" Seijuro asks.

Haruka nods before he slips into blue.

As Seijuro's life flashes before his eyes, the only thing Haruka thinks is a distant,  _Oh, he was into swimming too._  Maybe some day they will swim together. Maybe him and Rin, Nagisa and Rei - maybe even Nitori. Does Nitori like swimming? Haruka reminds himself to ask, later.

When this is all over. Someday.

In Seijuro's memory, he sees Gou. 

In his own, he sees Makoto. He twitches. He hears a muffled voice from a million miles away commenting that they're falling out of synch. 

"Hey," He hears Seijuro say, much closer. Right beside him. 

Haruka looks over to him and nods; their past falls out from under them and they land back in reality. In their Jaeger.

Miho is observing them with a clipboard, among others. "Good," she tells them. "You might be battle-ready after all."

Rin and Aiichiro are in the room, too. Aiichiro with a polite smile - he nods when Haruka catches his eye - and Rin grins. 

"Now then. Our mission statement has changed recently - Nanase, you may not have all the details since you have been out of commission for so long." He winces, but nods. Miho doesn't look as mad as she did when he was injured, and continues easily, "We'll get you all the information. From here on out, you two will be partners; your synchornization rate is high and stable."

Haruka turns to Seijuro. He's just finished saying a sincere, if not quiet, "Thank you," when the sirens go off. 

Miho pauses, and for a long moment after the siren has shut off she looks thoughtful. 

"Alright," she says, eventually. "You two. First mission."

In unison, they nod. "Sir!"

Exhasperated, she corrects them, "Ma'am." 

**Kojiyama**

There's something exhilirating about exhaustion, Rin thinks. They fight the kaiju and they win, and Aiichiro has stamina of the gods, apparently, because he's just fine. Normal as ever. He does not get hyped on the emotions of a moment, and does not seem tired after a fight. Rin feels like he could fall asleep standing up. At the same time, inside his body is filled with energy. The drift brings out strong emotions from him. Sometimes his eyes tear up when they're training, and it isn't always from specific memories or thoughts. 

"This plan," Rin tells Aiichiro, slurring just slightly after a celebratory drink, "Is badass."

Aiichiro just laughs, hands cupped around his own drink. He has higher alcohol tolerance than Rin. Honestly, he suspects no one in the world has  _worse_  alcohol tolerance, but he doesn't say as much.

"As long as it works," Aiichiro says. He downs the rest of his drink, then stands. 

He holds his hand out to Rin.

"Come on. Let's get you in bed," He says. Rin snickers, and Aiichiro sputters at him. "I - Senpai! That's not what I meant."

"Yeah, yeah," Rin agrees, and accepts Aiichiro's hand. Instead of just using it to steady himself at first, he holds on the whole way back to his room. 

They pass Haruka in the hall, who looks fleetingly amused, but whose eyes flicker down to their hands with an expression that is just a bit too understanding for Aiichiro's comfort. 

In Rin's room, Aiichiro pulls out the older boy's pajamas from his dresser with easy familiarity. He hands them to Rin and politely turns away until he's changed. The shuffling of clothes stops, but Rin doesn't say anything. Aiichiro stays put for a couple moments longer.

"Senpai?" He asks. No response. 

He turns around to see Rin already asleep, sprawled across his bed on top of the blankets. Aiichiro huffs good naturedly. "Senpai! Sleep under the blankets. You can't be a Jaeger piloting hero if you're too sick to get out of bed."

Rin just mumbles an incoherent argument. 

Aiichiro tugs at the blankets slowly, but hard, until Rin has no choice but to wake up and let them be pulled from under him. He lets Rin settle in comfortably, then spreads the blanket over him. He takes a seat on the edge of the bed.

"There, much better, right?" Aiichiro asks, as if talking to a child. 

"I'm drunk, not five," Rin tells him. Aiichiro gives him an even look, as if to say: same thing. Rin frowns at him, curling up under the blankets in the cold of his room. "You too, though."

Aiichiro blinks. "Me too what?"

"Should sleep under blankets."

Aiichiro pauses for a long moment. Rin is drunk. Rin is not thinking through what he says. All Aiichiro can think of to say is: "Well I think you owe me a dinner first."

"I've gotten you like twenty dinners," Rin complains. Aiichiro assumes he just wants to be contrary and win an argument, and doesn't reply. Rin rolls his eyes. "We'd be jus' as bad off if you got sick," he insists, glaring. With that said, he throws his arm around Aiichiro, pulling him down beside him. He only succeeds in getting the blanket over Aiichiro's arm.

The smaller boy isn't about to point that out. He lays still for a moment, expecting Rin to fall asleep so he can get back up.

Instead he just gets a shoulder tickled by hair as Rin nuzzles into him. 

He wakes up with shark-toothed bite marks on his neck and shoulder, and a dazed Rin who remembers no such thing. 

**Mutavore**

There is another fight. At first they don't know who to send, and all the pairs are brought to the launch grounds. The kaiju are coming too often for repairs. Their plan needs to get put into action soon. Rei and Nagisa end up being the chosen ones for the day - solely because their Jaeger is in the best shape.

The kaiju breaks through the wall in seconds, hardly looking bothered by it. There is a long silence in the room as everyone stares at the feed.

Then, in unison, Rin and Haruka mutter, "Saw that coming."

The pairs of pilots exit one by one, but when there are only a few stragglers left, Aiichiro clears his throat, pointedly loud. Seijuro glances over, curious. Instead he's met by Rin's gaze.

Rin shifts his weight uncomfortably. He opens his mouth, closes it, then sighs. "I'm sorry I punched you in the face," Rin tells him, voice flat and unenthused.

Seijuro looks to Aiichiro, silently asking if Rin is being serious or not. Aiichiro looks particularly proud of himself, so Seijuro assumes this apology is something Rin was forced into doing.

Even so, he accepts it. "It's alright," he says. He isn't sure what else to say.

He wants to say he's sorry. He couldn't protect Gou. And he knows how it looks, how fast he went back to fighting, drifting with others. Especially with Rin being so close to Haruka - who took over a year before he could drift with anyone again. The words don't come out. They start to, but he chokes them back, not wanting to say anything like that. All he wants to do is encourage, but by the time he's thought up some inspiring words, Rin looks at the younger boy, warily.

Aiichiro is practically  _glowing._

"A'ight, I did it, Ai. Can we go now?"

**Leatherback and Otachi**

There are two kaiju. It's the first time they've ever come two at a time. At first the fight is for Nagisa and Rei, but they're outnumbered. Seijuro and Haruka join them to take one down, but not before destroying everything along the coastline and half their Jaeger's front. They kaiju is down, but so is the front of their Jaegar, melted off from acid. 

The second kaiju takes longer. Much longer. For hours, Rin and Aiichiro grapple with it. They get deeper into town depsite their best efforts not to. They're only able to win the fight because Seijuro and Haruka come from behind, flanking the kaiju. It bursts  _wings_ , but they're able to grab it and pull it down, keep it from taking flight. 

It's Aiichiro's command that pierces through the kaiju's gut with a longsword, and Haruka's downward tug that forces the slice up through its middle.

They win, but the damage is done. To the city, to their Jaegers. 

"Monday." Their commander bellows. All repairs will be rushed, and the plan will commence.

Monday.

They will close the rift, destroy it with explosives from the inside. 

The three pairs of them, Rin and Aiichiro, Nagisa and Rei, and Haruka and Seijuro - they are all on the defensive team. There is another pair who will actually go to the rift - a young set of friends. A polite girl with long black hair and vivid violet eyes, and her co-pilot, a with messy brown hair, whose fringe has gone too long without being cut. 

They are so young, Haruka thinks, but he has seen their battles and knows they are the best choice. The rest of the pilots have long since passed 20 - they are ordinary pilots. These two are young. They are geniuses at what they do. 

He's seen them train, and recalls eavesdropping on the girl's conversations with technicians and repairmen.

"I'm very interested!" She has enthused at every opportunity. "I can't stop thinking about it! The Jaeger and drift technology is  _amazing!_ "

Her partner just looks exhausted by her, but is always at her side. Haruka has heard a lot of their breakthroughs about the rift have been his deductions.

They are so young - he thinks of Makoto when they first joined the Jaeger academy. Back when they were prodigies, too.

He wants to protect these two so they don't have to lose anyone. Seijuro, he feels through the drift, thinks the same. 

 

**Scunner, Raiju, and Slattern**

They drop into the ocean one by one. The fall to the floor is slow and tedious, but they have to keep the pressure of the deep in mind. 

Over the feed, the young boy's voice complains, "I'd like to finish this quickly," as if it were something simple as a chore. (The young girl scolds him, but it's almost comical with her soft voice and polite word choice.)

Moving across the ocean floor is just as slow. Every step takes too much strength, but Haruka takes in all the scenery in awe. This isn't the time, but he feels at home under the water. He wishes Makoto were here to see it. 

He shakes his head. Clears his mind. The kaiju are coming. Only two of them at first; Nagisa and Rei practically lay claim to the first one, rushing ahead as quickly as they can this deep in the ocean. They throw a lance that soars through water like a pole through the air; Haruka recognizes Rei's calculated aim. He pierces straight through the Kaiju, getting its attention but not doing much damage. 

It makes a bee-line for him, circling around to make a strike.

"Holler if you need us," Rin says to them over the intercom as they pass by. His voice is forcibly light to shake off the knots in his stomach. 

"Now why would we need you?" Rei shoots back, sounding smug. "Don't you have faith in us?"

"RinRin, save me!" Nagisa cries out, a dramatic joke that makes laughter bubble up in Haruka's throat before he can stop it. "I'm a helpless damsel without you!"

Aiichiro sounds almost  _offended_  on Rin's behalf. "Our real damsel is quite capable, you know! How rude. Senpai, don't listen to him." Haruka hears Rin snort a laugh in the background.

"Thank you," The girl's voice says, sounding oddly sincere. 

There's an odd pause over the speakers as the group of friends suddenly remember they aren't alone with each other, but it's interrupted shortly by Nagisa's shouting, "Fuck!"

"You okay?" Seijuro asks, but they don't turn around. They can't, they need to get these two to the rift, and  _fast_.

"We're fine," Nagisa says between gritted teeth. He bites out, "We got this. We can hold him at least."

"Go," Rei tells them. 

So they do. 

The next Kaiju comes at them, diving straight to Rin and Aiichiro. They draw their sword, and Haruka and the final Jaeger pair have to walk past them. 

"Holding them," Rin tells them.

"Killing them," Aiichiro insists, voice firm and confident, not because he is, but so that Rin will be.

It seems to work; with a resurgance of strength, Rin slices through the lower half of the kaiju. It's still far from dead, but it has trouble swimming very quickly - cannot chase them or run. Its only option is to stay and fight, just like them.

The final kaiju is not so easily distracted. It goes for the Jaeger of the two younger pilots. Haruka and Seijuro are able to peel it from them with missiles for a moment, but they seem to distract it far more than  _harm it._

"Go on," Haruka tells them.

The boy replies, determined, "Right," in unison with the girl's polite, "Yes!"

The kaiju tries to chase them, smart enough to spot when someone is being protected. Smart enough to sense the biggest threat to its world. 

Haruka and Seijuro have to run but it feels like everything is in slow motion  _except_  for the kaiju. It makes sense. They look like they were created for water, while the Jaegers are huge chunks of the heaviest metal in the world. 

Its focus on the Jaeger in front stops it from dodging a single missile, stops it from avoiding the plasma that Seijuro chooses to fire from their Jaeger's palms. Their aim is careful and precise - if they miss, they attack their own teammate, who stomps through the ocean slowly, ignoring the monster biting at it's back.

The kaiju smartens up after the plasma pierces off a clawed arm completley. It swims a spiral, circling to front of the leading Jaeger with speed they have no chance of matching. 

"Damn," Seijuro curses; the two of them try to hurry the pace, but the two pilots ahead have to turn and fight.

"One down," Nagisa's voice says over the intercom, sounding exhausted. 

" _We_  are down," Rei adds. "Our Jaeger is filling with water."

Next is Rin's voice, after a grunt, "Fuck. Can you eject?"

"Working on it," Rei tells him. "A lot of our systems are down. We have to manually enter the commands."

The commander's voice comes over the intercom. "Did you forget you aren't alone, down there? We're sending someone down."

"Good luck," Rei mutters. Unspoken; he has calculated the speed of the flooding. They don't have time.

"We're coming," Rin says, "We're closer." 

"We're a bit busy, Senpai," Aiichiro snaps, and begins to say something else when Haruka hears the familiar scream of torn metal coming through the speakers, and a startled shout from Aiichiro. It gets cut off with static. 

"Rin?!" Haruka demands. With the two pilots up ahead having stopped to grapple the kaiju, he is finally able to reach them. The kaiju's mouth, acid falling from it, is around their Jaeger's arm. Haruka watches the metal start to melt, not just where the acid touches, but crawling up it slowly, eating it away.

The ansewer he gets is mostly static, he can't make out the words, but still sees Rin's Jaeger turning around. Their intercom is damaged, but they must have come to an agreement, because they lead the monster straight back to Rei and Nagisa.

"Got it," Nagisa exclaims, suddenly catching Rin's plan. Their Jaeger remains still as a pillar, feigning defeat, then makes a sudden movement when the kaiju gets in range. Spear guns out of the wrists fire off, pinning the kaiju to the ground where Rin and Aiichiro drop, elbow first, onto it. Blades extend from the joint, slicing clean through the kaiju with relative ease.

Blades, Haruka realizes belatedly, and Seijuro must be thinking the same; their Jaeger's hand reshapes into a broadsword. 

"Sorry," Seijuro says preemptively, then slices off their leader's Jaeger's arm to keep the acid from eating up to the cockpit.

"No," The girls voice says, sounding exhausted and frightened. Then, determined. "Thank you."

Haruka pulls back, reeling up the arm with the sword, then fast as he can, strikes the kaiju down it's throat. He feels the acid start to melt their blade, sees the lights inside their Jaeger flicker as wires are eaten through. 

When he pulls the sword up, slicing outwards through the kaiju's body, it is hardly even a blade anymore. The cut up kaiju is torn to shreds by a rough blade; it is far from a clean cut. 

But it is still.

The Jaeger in the lead drops down into the rift, and it is surreal how silent the world underwater is. 

"Come back to the surface," the commander says, voice tight. They cannot celebrate too early. 

Seijuro asks, "What about the others?"

The reply is muffled and staticy, but he hears four seperate voices through a single mic. He can't even make out their words, but they sound calm, and safe, and that is enough.

At the surface, they are picked up by a helicopter that takes them to the shoreline. Nagisa throws his arms around Haruka the minute he sees him, clinging on to him tightly. Rei's embrace is around the two of them, gentle, and Rin's arm over his shoulder is loose but heavy with exhaustion.

"I'm glad you're all okay," Haruka forces himself to tell them, because they deserve to hear it.

Nagisa promptly bursts into tears, with Rei fussing over him.

"We've lost signal of their Jaeger," Goro, one of the technical overseers says. 

There is a long silence. No one wants to ask. Seijuro is the first to give in; "Did they detonate it?"

Goro nods, mutely, eyes trained on the lit-up screens and equipment in front of him. The glow on his face makes the bags under his eyes all the more visible. 

Rei's question is more gentle, and asked quietly. "Did they eject?"

"I couldn't see. We lost contact with their Jaeger, and I - all I saw was the detonation." He runs a hand through his hair, jaw clenched tight. His hand covers his face. "I wasn't - I didn't pay close enough attention to--"

Miho sets her hand on his shoulder. "It's alright," she tells him, voice strained.

Then the escape capsules bob up to the surface. Like fishing, Haruka thinks fleetingly. 

The young boy's opens first and he swims to the girls immediately. There was blood on him, and chunks of his armor is missing, arms scratched up in odd patterns.

Everyone watches with breath held. It makes Haruka think of sleeping beauty. The brunet reaches down to open her capsule.

He offers his hand to her, and she takes it. He helps her out of the pod, and looking as pretty as ever, even with her hair mussed and suit full of holes, blood pouring from a cut in her forehead she takes his hand with a dainty touch.

Together, they wave to the shore, and to the helicopter.

The sigh that leaves Haruka's body is as heavy as the world, as if shared between all of them unanimously but exhaled just by him. 

**Author's Note:**

> [Original Prompt](http://iwatobiswimclub.dreamwidth.org/1985.html?thread=2060225#cmt2060225) over on the kink meme, posted by a clever anonymous. Minor changes and corrections here etc.
> 
> Now, my notes: 
> 
> 1\. I tried to include all of their bonuses, but they didn't all come across very well. Rei and Nagisa are a lot more emotionally stable, so they have less of a story.
> 
> 2\. Rin and Haruka's relationship is also pretty different... But in this story, Rin loses his father a little older, and they've got more pressing matters that put them on the same team to begin with. 
> 
> 3\. I named a couple of unknown kaiju for no particular reason. I was going to do it for all of the unnamed, but as the story progresses I realized with how many are coming through, it makes sense that they might not all be able to be named.
> 
> 4\. For timeline and thematic purposes, I replaced Gipsy Danger with MakoHaru's battles, but they are not necessarily in Mako and Raleigh's roles, they are just in the Pacific Rim world/events... The Mako and Raleigh subsitutes are... Well, some other kids. Guess who! 
> 
> 5\. Also, my timeline actually doesn't make sense if you look at the official timeline for the kaiju attacks, but... Well, it was a thematic choice. Please forgive me. There are also plenty of subplots in the movie I've left out - things like the baby kaiju and drifting with it. Just try to go with it, for simplicity's sake...


End file.
